Half Way to Forty-Five

I know I have been writing a lot of inspirational blogs lately, trying to tell myself (and inspire you all) to get out there and change the world in the best way you know how. But as it turns out, I am a hypocrite. I feel like my own life is slipping away... and this realization hurts.

My sister and I just finished watching 17 Again. You know the movie with Zac Efron and Matthew Perry, in which Mike is given a second chance to go through his senior year of high school. While the movie was decent, it really got me thinking, and I made this comment to my sister.

"That makes me sad. I mean, I know I'm not forty-five or anything, but I'm half way there."

This was yet, another blow. Because my senior year of high school seems so far away. And while I'm right on track as far as my plan goes, what if I died tomorrow? I would have done nothing to make this world better. I would have done nothing spontaneous or worthwhile or book worthy. I would have helped no one and seen nothing.

I have spent the last twenty-two years telling myself that I am a Christian and an all around good person, but have I done anything to prove this? No. Have I shared the gifts that I think I possess with anyone? No. Have I wasted God's gifts? Is my life a waste of His beauty? I am constantly concerned about my plan, what I want to do with my life...but what about God's plan for me?

While I know this all sounds over the top, because I am only twenty-two, I could very well be saying these same exact things in another twenty-two years. And that scares me. So I hope that this time, I take it to heart. I hope this time, God works through me and shows me the way.

God, I am your servant...use me.