Missing You

I just spent an entire weekend with someone, have now been away from him for only three hours, and I still miss him like crazy! Isn't that just ridiculous?

Today, on the way home from my boyfriend's hometown, I realized how completely and rather hopelessly happy I am with him... And it scared the crap out of me. Because I am so afraid of finally finding someone, who could actually be the one, and not having enough time to be with him...

I mean just to think about how many people in the world have lost their special someone too soon, before they could grow old together or live their happily ever after... And to think that that could very easily happen to me, that I could very easily be the next person in the world to lose my special someone, before I get a chance to grow old with him or live happily ever after with him...

I mean just think of the situation that those people are in, constantly listening to people tell them that the deceased person that they loved would just want them to be happy... And they, the living, continually telling themselves that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all... And just thinking about how all of that is complete and utter bullshit, and that all you really want to do is just lay in bed and cry all day and night until the earth is flooded with your tears and anguish.

And it just makes me want to take all the people I love and put them into a bubble to protect them from anything and everything evil. It makes me want to just be with these people all day and every day, because there could be a time when I can't be with them at all. It makes me want to run towards my boyfriend, jumping head first into his arms, where I can stay for all eternity. I mean what is the point of going through all the formalities of life, if you aren't with the people you love and who love you? If you can't be with them? If they are taken from you?

And while Tennyson is right ("Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all), I still think that losing the one you love, your other half, would be simply unbearable. With my heart shattering into a thousand pieces, I can honestly say, that I don't know if I'd ever be able to stand again. So I now quote Otomo No Yakamochi: "Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there."