Time Flying...

Wow! It's New Year's Eve, and I can't believe it! I can't believe that it is already 2010... seems to me like we just started the millennium. And the New Year always brings me back to that notion of time flying...

Because it does. And it's kind of scary! I'm already twenty-two!

Still being a college student, it seems that I am constantly preparing for my life, as if it hasn't started yet. Up till now, I have been constantly learning and observing, as if trying to decide what is the best life for me. As a toddler, I prepared to start school. In elementary school, I was preparing for middle school. And in middle school, I was preparing for high school. And in high school for college. And college for "real life." Every decision I have ever made, I've made on the basis of it preparing me for a job and paying rent and finding a husband and buying a vehicle and living on my own. And all along I thought I had tons of time to do so.

But... that part of my life, all that preparation and observing and evaluation and testing, is coming to a close. In six months, I will be graduating, and no longer can I give the excuse that I am preparing for the rest of my life, because it WILL BE the rest of my life. The rest of my life starts in May of 2010.

So Hopefully, all that preparing and all that observing and all that testing has paid off. Hopefully, I have learned the essentials. Hopefully, I will succeed in every way I hoped and in every way I dreamed. Hopefully, I am ready to move on to the next stage of my life.

Because time is flying by... Tick tock, tick tock...

It's already 2010, and I feel like I've barely spread my wings.

(Photo found on istockphoto.com)

Exhausted but Brilliant

Dictionary.com defines exhaustion as weakness or fatigue; the total consumption of something.

And that is exactly how I feel at this moment. Completely and utterly exhausted. I did inventory all day today, did a 40-minute Insanity workout when I got home, and then played volleyball for three hours straight tonight. Wow! Exhausted. Weak. Fatigued. Totally consumed.

Which is the reason that I am finding it hard to think of anything brilliant to say or write tonight. But who defines brilliance anyway? Well, Dictionary.com does of course, and...

Dictionary.com defines brilliance as excellence or distinction; conspicuous talent, mental ability, etc.

So tonight to meet par and display brilliance, I will tell you a friendly little joke. Here it goes...

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship‚ holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me‚ madam. I do not intend to be forward‚ but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes‚ I know‚" said the lady‚ "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But‚ madam‚ you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down‚ then back up at the man and replied: "Sir‚ anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Snicker snicker... Brilliant? I think so... :)

Caring the Least

For some reason, as I sit down to write tonight, a quote I recently heard comes to my mind:

"The power in all relationships lies with whoever cares the least."

So true... but I am slightly confused. Although this quote seems to be saying that you should try and be the one in the relationship who cares the least, because then you are the one in complete control, my question is... How do you keep yourself from caring? How would one keep his or herself unattached and uninvolved? How does someone stay that distant?

Sometimes I wish I knew this answer, because it would relieve me of the fear of being vulnerable, hurt, or heartbroken. It would save me the agony of "putting myself out there." Because usually I am the one who cares the most, usually I am the one who's too attached and too involved. (Maybe that's just the girl in me.)

But then again, if you are the one who cares the least, what's the point? Why are you in the relationship at all? Why are you even trying? What's in it for you? Is power worth that? Is control worth that?

And perhaps that's why I am usually the one who cares the most... because I see no reason in not caring. What would the world be like if no one cared? What would my life be liked if I cared about nothing and cared for no one? Yes, it would be safe. But it would also be boring and uneventful... and very very lonely.

A Nightmare

After yesterday's post regarding family, I went to sleep feeling the importance of family and friends in my life. Then, I had a very ironic dream.

About three-fourths of the way through a rather pleasant dream, I was shot in the head by a man in a getaway vehicle. I didn't die right away, because the bullet was lodged just in the right spot, but I knew that I had little time left.

So after my friends got me into a car to get to a hospital, I was forced to call each one of my family members to say goodbye. It was harsh, even for a dream. The calls were very difficult, and even though I didn't want to hang up after talking to one of my family members for the last time, I knew I had other calls to make, other people to say goodbye to. While I remember feeling little pain from my head injury, my heart was deteriorating slowly with each call.

After only finishing three of the five calls I wanted to make, I woke up abruptly. I sat up in my bed and looked around my bedroom, final realizing that the dream wasn't real. But what frightened me the most is that that situation is real for a lot of different people, and it could very easily be reality for me. That would be a complete nightmare.

I had trouble falling back to sleep after that.

Feast of the Holy Family

Today, the Sunday after Christmas, is the Feast of the Holy Family in the Catholic Church calendar. It is a day in which we celebrate Jesus' family, Mary and Joseph. But it is also a time to discuss how important our family is in our lives.

Family is a difficult thing to discuss, because we all have such different families. There are traditional families, nontraditional families, and non-family households. There are church families and communities and school friends. So measuring and evaluating your family life is really just something that you have to do on your own.

All I know is that I take my family for granted way too often. They are my whole life. The bread to my butter, and I really wouldn't know how to exist without them.

So tonight... I thank God for my family, and you really should too. Because even when the only thing that binds you is your blood, that is one thing you do share, one commonality. Take it and run... because some people are blessed with a whole lot less.

"You Always Meet Twice"

Tonight I was reminded of a very interesting German saying: "You always meet twice."

Now whether this is actually true or not, I don't know, but just think how pleasing it would be if it was true. For in fact, this means that you always have a second chance. No matter what the circumstances. Whether you made a good or bad impression the first time, you have a second chance to confirm your position or make up for your rude behavior.

You have a second chance to get that job. You have a second chance at baking that cake. You get a second chance at that 1st place title. You have been blessed with a second chance with that friend, neighbor, or family member.

And how cool is it to believe that sometime, somewhere, by some means, your paths will cross again. A day from now? A week from now? Ten years from now? On the bus? In a bar? On the beach? In Best Buy? You don't know. Like that saying, "Would you rather know when you are going to die or how you are going to die?" In this case, you know neither, except that it's inevitable. It will happen. You will die, or in this situation, you will get a second chance.

But it all depends on whether or not you take it; whether or not you face your fears; whether or not you risk feeling stupid or silly or heaven forbid, wrong. You have to step up and rise to the occasion.

Because yes, you get a second chance, but.... you might only get one.

Two Pieces of Wood

I would like to relay my priest's very simple Christmas message onto you...

It all started with two pieces of wood: the baby Jesus was lain in a manger, a cradle which was made of two pieces of wood. It all ended with two pieces of wood: Jesus was hung to die on the cross, which was also ironically made of two pieces of wood.

How do we choose to live our lives? Do we comfort people who are in despair? Hug those who need support? Befriend the outcast? Do we build a cradle? OR Do we cause conflict? Set up boundaries? Create enemies? Do we build crosses?

We are all given two pieces of wood... How will you choose to use them? Will you make a cradle or a cross?

It's really all that simple. Start building...

(Photo courtesy of castlegardener.files.wordpress.com)

Can You Feel It?

Happy Christmas Eve to all... Wow I can't believe it's here all ready. Seems like it was just Black Friday, and I was beginning to shop for all my Christmas gifts, but believe it or not, it's here!

And can't you just feel it? The stove is on preparing the soup. The mixer is a-mixing some chocolate star cookies. My dad is vacuuming, as we prepare for some extended family. My sister is wrapping some last minute gifts. Steve is outside shoveling snow. The Christmas lights are blinking red and gold. Christmas carols are in the air. All the family is home, together.

It sweeps in with the first snow. It dances on the boughs of the tree. It bounces with Grandpa's Santa belly and is in tune with the carols and songs. It is the gravy to the mashed potatoes. It is the glitter on the bows and the brightest star leading us to the manger.

Can you feel it? Can you feel the excitement? Can you feel the rush that comes along with this very joyous season? Can you feel Christmas?

It lingers near. It's almost here. Christmas cheer. Christmas.

Just remember the real reason for the season... A child is born.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

P.S. Can you feel it?

Going Green (And Red) This Christmas!

Today, I wrapped a bunch of my Christmas presents using my family's favorite wrapping paper, newspaper. My family always keeps it super conservative when we wrap our gifts to each other: no shiny, shimmery wrapping paper, no festive bow, no creative tag. We figure, all that stuff can get super expensive, and there is really no point anyway, considering we rip it to shreds when we bust open our presents.

I do understand, however, that many people feel that wrapping paper is a huge part of Christmas. I mean many folks say the best part about the gift is the anticipation and the unwrapping of it, especially for kids.

But we should really consider how all this paper is hurting our environment and our trees. Here are some great statistics, courtesy of my "go green" sister, who of course sent me an email sharing these numbers:

---As much as half of the 85 million tons of paper products Americans consume every year goes toward packaging, wrapping, and decorating goods.

---Wrapping paper and shopping bags alone account for about 4 million tons of trash annually in the United States.
---If every American family wrapped just three presents in reused materials, it would save enough paper to cover 45,000 football fields!

These statistics really made me think, and honestly, my first thought was of the Giant Coastal Redwood trees that John Steinbeck mentions in his travelogue, Travels with Charley. He describes some MAGNIFICENT trees. So here are some of my own statistics on the Coastal Redwoods. Kelsey, I hope I make you proud:

---California’s coast redwoods can grow more than 320 feet high (about as tall as a 30-story building), with trunks more than 24 feet in diameter at breast-height, and can live for more than 2,000 years.
---Many species live their entire lives in the redwood canopy, including worms, salamanders and plants such as Sitka spruce, ferns and huckleberry.
---However, less than 5 percent of the original forest remains today. Of the original 2 million acres of ancient coast redwood forest, approximately 95% has been logged.

Now, if the first set of statistics didn't make you think a little, how about these. Trust me, I feel like "Going Green" a heck of a lot more when I think about possibly killing a 2,000 year old tree. Don't you? I mean talk about conserving history...

This photo, statistics, and more information can be found at http://www.savetheredwoods.org/. Check it out!

Embrace Life

So tonight I went to the movie, "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" It was a decent movie. I laughed some, and I sighed other times... but this blog is not meant to be a critique about the movie. I just wanted to say that this film reminded me of one simple simple notion, an idea that has to do a little with my last blog. I can't even remember who said it or when exactly it was said in the movie, but somewhere sometime someone said:

"Embrace life."

And now I reflect on my own life:

I slightly feel like I've kept myself cooped up for a long time, protecting myself, saving myself from the world. I hid behind my family, sports, and my writing, always telling myself that the world was the one missing out. Not me. I refused to sacrifice who I was for anyone. I didn't need to prove anything.

I always considered myself a homebody, a loner. Sometimes I was invited to do things with friends, but I chose to be alone instead. I always say it's because I am a writer. I overthink every situation, analyze every word, every thought. I see meaning in everything that happens, everything I do... And I struggle when other's don't see the meaning too.

Any man would say that that is a typical woman, always analyzing, always plotting, always overthinking things. And that might be part of it., but maybe it's not the whole thing. I really just don't know. For once, I don't have the answer.

But I have come to realize, that the world wasn't missing out on me, I was missing out on the world. And living it up, living life is what will ultimately make me a better writer, because I can relate to more situations. I can say, "Yeah! That totally happened to me too!" I can give advice. And even though putting myself out there can always be a bit risky, I don't want to die tomorrow without having ever lived.

Year End Inventory

Now is the time of the year when companies and stores begin to take inventory, evaluating their yearly sales, numbering the products on their shelves, and computing their annual incomes...

They ask themselves many questions: How did we do this past year? How did we come out? How will we plan differently for next year?

And I always thought this was a rather silly process, because if these companies would only do what they were supposed to do throughout the rest of the year, it wouldn't be such a tiring, difficult task to take a year end inventory.

But then I thought... this is something we all do really. We all take an inventory of our lives at the end of the year, evaluating our own gains and our own losses:

We ask ourselves questions: Did I put in a good year's worth of work? Did I take my dream trip to Hawaii? Did I get to that book that's been sitting on my shelf since May? Did I visit my Grandma in the hospital? Did I lose that extra thirty pounds? Did I gain an extra thirty pounds? Did I donate to charity like I promised I would? Did I make a difference in someone else's life?

We take inventory: I earned an extra $5,000. I bought a new car. I lost my Dad this year. I read the Bible. I made a cake all by myself. I got married. I went to Italy. I took a bubble bath. I helped out at a soup kitchen once a week. I had my fourth child. I beat cancer.

These yearly inventories are a shock to many people. They are reminders that they did gain thirty pounds, they didn't make it to Hawaii, and they never did get to that book... So they make New Year's Resolutions and plan for a bigger and better year. But most stand disappointed next New Year's.

So this I preach to you... Let's make this the best year yet! Let's actually follow through with our resolutions. Let's get to that book. Let's lose that weight. Let's make a difference in the world around us! The world should be a better place, because we lived. 2010 should be an amazing year, because we took inventory and prepared ourselves for greatness!

What do you say? Are you in? Just think, next December... taking inventory won't be all that disappointing.

What's Your Signature Flavor?

Today, my extended family sat around the table (after eating chicken and dumpling soup) and analyzed the flavors in a bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans, "The Original Gourmet Jelly Bean." If you haven't done this, I highly suggest it, because it's actually a lot of fun! It all started when my aunt tasted the BAD one.

We had a two pound bag, equipped with 49 flavors. And if you don't know this, jelly beans are actually a candy that are not all that bad for you: Serving Size 35 pieces, Servings per package 23, Calories per bean 4. Not that bad, right?

But I took in my fair share of calories as I tested each bean, comparing it to the flavor diagram on the back. Here is my family's report:

I say, if it is red or purple in any way, EAT IT! You'll love it! These are the flavors like Strawberry Cheesecake, Strawberry Daiquiri, Cotton Candy, Peach, and Plum. They are my signature flavors! So save these colors for me!

My one aunt loves the orange and yellow, fruits like Cantaloupe and Crushed Pineapple. My sister devours the Berry Blue. My dad says he always reaches for the greens like Watermelon, Green Apple, and Sunkist Lime. So there are many many great flavors to explore!

BUT there is one flavor we all agree on, a flavor we dislike, a flavor we just don't think should be put onto candy! According to my family, the WORST JELLY BELLY FLAVOR IS... Buttered Popcorn. Stay clear from this white and yellow speckled bean. According to my aunt, "It's nasty!"

But don't let my family be the judge! Get yourself a bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans and test them out for yourself! What is your signature flavor?

To Replace a Light Bulb

Don't you feel really silly when it takes you about ten attempts at a light switch to realize that the light bulb is burnt out? You flip the switch once, continuing well on into the room before you realize that the light didn't turn on. You head back towards the door, thinking maybe you simply missed the switch, and then turn back again after you hit it. But the light still isn't on... so you continue to stand there and flip the light switch back and forth a couple more times, before peering up at the light in disgust... This always happens to me.

But the funny part about this is that all the light bulbs in the house seem to go out at the same exact time! So you go through the routine of replacing all the light bulbs...

I remove one of the old bulbs from a light and get ready to stick in the new, but usually I can't remember if I left the switch on or off and a lot of times I can't tell the difference. So I twist the bulb slowly and gently into the light... looking like a person deactivating a bomb for in fact any minute the thing could trigger. Holding my breath, not wanting to get burnt from the heat of the light... I wait...wait...waiting...

Flicker flicker! Bright light! OUCH! My whole body jumps back, and I pull my hand quickly from the hot bulb.

This seems like a completely silly thing, but it happens to me every single time I replace a bulb. Seems that I don't learn from my mistakes. Seems that I'm not all that bright! (Get it...bright?!)

The Worst Sound in the World

Have you ever been asked: "What is the worst sound in the world?" Many people often answer with fog horns or dog whistles or fighter jets. But... I have discovered the sound that pretty much comes close to winning this great and glorious title. This medium-sized kitchen appliance: The blender.

The blender makes an utterly disgusting sound! I mean think about the sound a blender makes and try to mimic that sound with your mouth... Doesn't it just annoy you attempting to repeat that ugly ugly sound?

But you know what is worse? Do you know what makes a worse sound? A blender that's attempting to blend ice...

Eeeeee Eeeeee Eeeee Eror Eror Eeeeee Eeeee Eeee Eror! Can you hear it? If not, please take out this neighborhood-friendly appliance, throw in some cubes, and be enlightened!

I thought about this this morning, as I walked upstairs to my mom making a breakfast smoothie. At first, I didn't even notice the sound. My mind registered the sound as the blender, and I carried on getting ready for the day. It wasn't until I came back into the kitchen to see the blender sitting there on and unattended, did my ears ring with a horrid ringing.

I stared at the glass blender sitting there on the counter. I watched blueberries, bananas, and yogurt being blended, crushed, grated, beat, shredded, stirred, chopped, mixed, or whatever one of the million settings my mother had that thing on. And I simply wanted to cry.

I mean I get it. There is no way to beat, chop, or mix ice without making a loud, weird sound. But then I had a brilliant idea! Maybe blenders should come standard with headphones. You know how you plug your headphones into your IPOD or stereo so no one else has to listen to your music but you, well why can't you plug in headphones to a blender so no one else has to hear that ice grinding against those metal blades but you. I mean really? Sounds brilliant to me!

I started to get a headache. I wanted to chuck that blasted blender out the window. I made my way towards the blender and reaching my big, fat pointer finger towards the button, and I pushed stop. The blades slowed down to a halt, and that awful sound escaped the morning air.

Do you want to know what the BEST sound in the world is? Shhhhh...

Driving Drained

Have you ever been out driving when you are so incredibly tired? You fall asleep repeatedly, time after time. You swerve out of the gravel and back onto the road when you suddenly wake yourself up. "STAY AWAKE!" you scream at yourself as you blast the radio to distract yourself from your sleepiness or turn up the air to make yourself too uncomfortable to rest. You tell yourself that you'll stay awake this time, as your body relaxes again and your eyes start to feel heavy.

The next thing you know you wake up to your car straddling the yellow dotted line. Your heart skips a beat as you correct your tires. "STAY AWAKE!" you scream again, pinching your own cheeks. "DO YOU WANT TO DIE?" You are ashamed of your actions, but you have to get home. You are so entirely drained, and nothing can keep your eyes open. Your head bobs forward, waking yourself up a third time.

Finally after an hour of this craziness, you pull into your driveway, not really remembering the drive home. You realize that the outcome of your travels could have been very different. You got lucky.

I got lucky tonight...I know that had I not woken up one of those times, I could have been in a ditch somewhere, dead. So, thank God everyone else on the road was paying attention! Thank God a deer didn't jump out in front of me! Thank God I didn't kill myself...Thank God I didn't kill anyone else.

Below is a poem I wrote about this topic when I was a senior in high school. Just thought I'd share it with you.

Traveling

With a long, stressful day behind me, home was just a country road away.
Darkness had set in hours earlier, and my lights shone brightly down a familiar road.
Body aching, eyes weary, I struggled to stay focused.

.............................................................................

Suddenly, my eyes shot open.
Instinct brought my Pontiac
away from the concrete guardrail.
Shocked and confused, I thought back.
How long had I been away?
Where had I gone?
I was completely unaware of
what had actually happened
but terrified, knowing what could have.
My eyes never again left the pavement.
And with the miles to come, I prayed softly,
thanking God for traveling with me.
For had I been alone,
who would have woken me up?

Holiday Happiness

Little kids are always screaming, "I can't wait until Christmas! I can't wait until Christmas!" And I have always agreed with them. I mean Christmas rocks! The food is amazing! There are the Christmas presents, which the kids are all waiting for. And the time spent with your family, some people who you probably haven't seen since a year ago, is simply irreplaceable. These children are and have always been correct: Christmas is an epic day!

But in the last few years, I've come to realize it is not really Christmas day that I wait for, because it is not really Christmas, the day, that I love. What I love is the season of Christmas, the 25 days of Christmas, the days before the big day. The preparation, whether it be religious or not for you, is so exciting!

There are the Christmas carols on the radio starting the day after Thanksgiving; the shopping for gifts, knowing that the present I found for Mom will put a huge smile on her face; the extra sweets that suddenly appear everywhere: cookies, chocolate, and peppermint.; the hot cocoa with ten little marshmallows bathing inside my mug; the Christmas lights twinkling on my house and every other acreage down the road; the wearing of hats and mittens and scarves; the setting up of the tree and the stockings; the lighting of the purple and pink candles on the Advent wreath; the savoring smell of soup; and the snow... it definitely wouldn't be Christmas without the snow.

This is the time I love: Christmas time, a time I look forward to every December. So please celebrate it. Cherish it. Relish in it. Prepare for the day... because in just nine days, it will all be over. And all you will be left with is a wad of wrapping paper, a couple extra pounds, and a large electric bill.

Sick As a Dog

Isn't it amazing how a cold can stop you dead in your tracks? You could be having a perfectly, productive and pleasing week until BAM!... a cold sets in, and then you feel like this might possibly be your last day on the Earth.

The common cold, I mean really? In a world where we have robotic arms and GPS and cures for cancer and IPODs and organic food, we the people, this great nation of people, can not find a cure for the common cold. Seems a little backwards to me...

Yes, you guessed it. I have a cold. Runny nose, headache, coughing, sore throat... I have all the symptoms, and they suck! Grant it, there are a billion other worse things that could happen to me besides getting a cold, and I should be grateful that out of all those things, I only have a cold. But somehow, right now, that seems really hard to do. Instead, I feel like overdosing on cough syrup and sleeping for 20 years straight just like Rip Van Winkle.

(With my brain feeling like a child's red balloon ready to burst, I came to realize, only as I write this blog, that Rip ironically stands for R.I.P. as in Rest In Peace. I know this is a fact that everyone who has ever read that story was probably aware of but me, but in case you didn't know either, I'm glad we can feel stupid together.)

Reality...

The reality is... A million thoughts run through our head every single day, but few people ever write them down. They come to the front of our mind for a split second and then are lost forever in the matter and mush that make up our minds. Grocery lists, old memories, shoe prices, fairy tales, dates and times, song lyrics, dreams, hopes, wishes.

The reality is... everyone has something that makes them smile. Everyone has something that makes them tear up and cry. Everyone has something that ails them and keeps them from sleeping at night, realities that would be all too horrible even for a nightmare. If only we would share these thoughts with the world. My triumph might make your day a little brighter, or your despair might remind me to be grateful for my own blessings. We could help each other. We could relate.

So here I am trying to connect with you, trying to help you, to teach you, to learn more about you. The world is easier to conquer when you are not fighting it alone, when someone can relate with exactly how you feel. We can struggle together.

Maybe I am crazy, but the reality is... maybe you are crazy too. And that is the whole point.