Missing the Moments

I have a really hard time leaving people. It's as if deep down I have this feeling that my world will somehow come to a crazy halt without them in my life. Even if they will only be gone for a day or a week, I can't help but get emotional when I think about their absence in my life. Saying this now, it sounds really selfish.

I can remember this one time, when I was about eight or nine, and my family was visiting relatives who lived in the state of Washington. It was the first time I had ever flown in an airplane. And since it was such a long way away and we hadn't seen our family in a while and we'd never been to Washington or an ocean, and my parents were paying for six round trip air flights, we decided to make it all worth our while and stay for a week and a half. So we did. We went kayaking in the ocean, ate amazing food, saw orcas and dolphins flipping out of the water, and rode ferries around the islands. We drove up mountains and hiked to waterfalls. And I learned to ride a bike with no hands. I had such an amazing time with my aunt and uncle and cousins, and I saw them every day and night for ten days that I was overwhelmed with sadness when the trip was over. I can remember bawling as we drove our rental mini-van to the airport. I remember thinking that my life just wouldn't be the same if we left. I would miss my family too much. I wanted to live within the memory of our trip forever, because there was no possible way that the future could be any better than our time in Washington.

And just this past weekend, the same thing happened again. I had such an amazing time with my boyfriend, visiting his family, playing with my puppy, going out for meals, and shopping, that I started to cry as he drove me home, because I knew that in an hour, we would be apart. And I know this sounds like a sappy-girly-emotional-love problem, but it's all true. I just think that so much of my life is spent stressed and over thinking things and worrying, that when I finally slip out of that routine and let myself enjoy life, I just don't want it to end. Because for those moments, I am truly truly, springing from my head, seeping out of my toes, happy.

It's like I want to live within the memories of these moments forever, because I am scared that the future might not be as great as the present. But mostly I think I am scared that I might lose the people I love before I get the chance to share those future moments with them. And that... I just don't think I can bare.