Now is the Only Time

"Now is the Only Time"... is a quote I read today in Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Eat Pray Love. And for some reason, that quote has really stuck with me throughout the day.

Why? Many reasons I suppose...

I am afraid I won't have enough time to do everything I want to do in this life. 

Why? Like every other human being, I am afraid of change.

Why? I am moderately struggling through my life right now.

Why? I am afraid I will get hurt.

But Why? Probably because I am scared of not measuring up to the expectations set before me... by me... and by others.

My whole life has been spent fulfilling the expectations and the standards, that I thought were bricks, set in stone and layed out before me. So doing something in the "now," something at the spur of the moment, simply wasn't smart. It was thoughtless, careless, sometimes hurtful, but always always stupid.

But what is so wrong with spontaneity anyway? What's so wrong with stepping out of the sidelines and becoming the talk of every one's gossip-filled lives. The truth is, most of the time I gossip, because I am jealous of that person anyway. Not for what they did, but of the COURAGE they had to do it.

For instance, I don't have the courage to quit my job to open my own business. I am too scared to work hard at writing my first novel, because I'm scared it will be too hard, and I will fail. I am too afraid to admit that I need someone. I am too honest with myself to believe I am beautiful. I am too stubborn to admit that someone else could be right, because I am too cocky to ever admit I am wrong. I am too careful to move too fast in a relationship. I am too lonely to live alone again. I am too cautious to move to a war zone to help people. I am too nervous to walk the line. I feel too much to feel nothing at all.

I am too afraid to live in the now! I am too busy to live in the now! I am too shy to live in the now, because I am too good at excuses.

Why? I guess it could be any of the above. But I guess it could also be because I am too afraid of what comes after the "now". Because from what I've observed, that whole "later" part can be quite the kick in the ass.